This month's Prick Of The Litter: Paulie from Rocky

As of late we've been wondering what it is that makes a good man. As per usual we've basically just taken our inspiration from Rocky Balboa, as most young men and out of shape Italian Americans do. Is it because of his iron will, his personal strength or his refusal to back down in the face of adversity that we admire him so?

No.

If the Italian Stallion taught us anything, it's how to put up with having a monumental cock knocker in your life, something we all must suffer.

We're big fans of the Rocky films (excluding Rocky V. Seriously, what the fuck was that?) and some of us have been re-watching them as of late, and we couldn't help notice that Rocky's asshole of a brother in law Paulie might be one of the shittiest fictional people to have ever existed. Here is a list of his shittiest moments.

ROCKY I- Calls his sister a freak for taking care of his fat ass, ruins her Thanksgiving roast, forces her on a date then threatens her with a baseball bat and smashes up the house at Christmas time. He then forces Rocky to do some bullshit t.v. interview and keeps all the money for himself. Prick.

ROCKY II- Acts like a prick to everyone in general some more, then yells at his pregnant sister and sends her into premature labour. She goes into a coma, which obviously fucks up Rocky's training. Never apologises. Monumental prick.

ROCKY III- Gets smashed and does some vandalism and makes Rocky bail him out of jail. Then calls Rocky an asshole for not giving him a job or moving him into his house. Throws an expensive rolex away then demands another one. Acts pretty racist throughout the whole movie, tells Rocky he's a shit boxer several times and rags on Apollo Creed. Gets knocked the fuck out by Hulk Hogan though, which is a plus.

ROCKY IV- Bitches about Rocky not giving him a car for free. Pisses and moans about being in Russia despite not being invited at any point, then makes Rocky pull him on a sled (supposedly for training but we have our doubts). Makes a heartfelt speech to Rocky about how he's a top bloke then takes it all back about 5 minutes later. Probably acts more racist off camera. Also we think he may have had sex with a robot. For reals. Watch the film. He totally bones a robot.

ROCKY V- We're ignoring this film.

ROCKY BALBOA- Rags on Rocky for having a dead wife. Hangs around Rocky like a leech some more and does some shitty painitings. Yeah, seriously, he actually rags on Rocky for his wife being dead. Even though it's his sister. He also says ice is shit. Why's he hating on ice? Only pricks hate ice.

It's pretty safe to say that even the guests on Jeremy Kyle would struggle to reach this level of irritating prickishness. We can only hope that they make Rocky 7, which would just be Rocky finally losing his rag and savagely beating Paulie for an hour and a half. While Hearts on Fire plays of course. It's the best song in the entire Rocky soundtrack, including Eye of the Tiger.

Congrats Paulie, you're the first official Prick Of The Litter.

Now dear reader, enjoy some classic 80s tuneage. Play it while you're running up a mountain and not acting like a prick.

HEARTS ON FIRE BITCH!

Let's sum up 2011. Actually, fuck it, we can't remember that much of it.

So we've made it to 2012 and we're still alive. Some of us just barely (Atkins), but we're still all going and that's just grand. All in all 2011 was a good year. Many gigs all over Cardiff, our highlights being one particularly RILFing show in Undertone with Kill Cassidy and Hello Lazarus that kicked all kinds of ass, and the indescribably joyful experience of playing with Hold Your Horse Is in Buffalo. Also we got to see both Ed and Tom wearing sleeveless tops at different times. Fucking hilarious. There may also have been a couple of haircuts, who knows.
We also managed to get a couple of demos recorded so listen to them. Now. Yes now. Don't worry this will be here when you get back. It'll keep. Go on, listen now. http://soundcloud.com/raphaelites
Good shit right? And that's just the demo.
But as with all things we're looking onwards, upwards, forwards. Generally we're looking ahead. And we intend 2012 to be a banger. In fact we've already got a couple of gigs lined up right at the end of January and right at the start of February. And here's the kicker.
Since the end of the world is apparently fast approaching (utter bollocks, by the way) we've decided it's time to kick it into high gear, lest our intermittent bouts of effort mean nothing by the time the apocolypse rolls around.
SO.
Our plan is to finally have that pesky EP we've been working on ready for you this year. We won't put an exact date on it and the title may change, but it will, repeat, WILL be coming out this year. We know it's been a long time coming but we think we may have at long last got the right track listing and all that nonsense.
Couple that good news with the fact that we intend to be playing a load more gigs, particularly in the summer, and you've got yourself a recipe for a year jam packed full of RILF.
But we promise no more sleeveless tops. Honest. They're just wrong. Unless it's a vest and you're John McClain.