Tuck your nuts and brace. And fetch your summer hats.

With summer fast approaching we've got a hell of a lot to do. 

If you recall, at the start of 2012 we made a lot of promises. In fact, probably too many. Actually, we think there were only two or three made, but we're really unreliable when it comes to stuff like that. So it may come as a surprise that we're actually fulfilling at least one of them. As per our mission statement type thing, we're heading into the great wide world of recording. We know you've probably had enough of those goddamn demos of Fragile and Worse for Wear, or, if you're really retro, the horrendousness that was Sleep Talk (that will be the last time we speak of that song...). So, mostly for our benefit, but also to give you guys a little something that's new, we plan to head to a studio soon-ish and get a few of our gnarliest tracks down. We'll probably be recording our newest stuff which some of you may not have heard, so it should be a pretty rad experience for everyone involved (that includes you!).

We also made a pledge to play more gigs over the summer. Now since University will be out till September for some of us and exams and shit are over for the rest, we also intend (hopefully) to fulfill that promise too, all the while flogging/giving away whatever we get recorded to you, the wonderful fans. We already had one kick ass gig in Undertone with the lovely Fjords, as you can see below, and there'll be more to come. The first of these will be at Gwdihw in Cardiff on the 22nd of May with the local badasses that are FRAMES. If you haven't already guaranteed your attendance on the arbitrary facebook event page, then do it now. DO IT! Here's the poster, and here be the event.

We can at least guarantee that within the next few weeks we'll be putting a new track; Redrum, out for you folks that we managed to get done recently and that some of you maybe haven't heard yet (that's if you haven't come to any of our gigs since before October. And if you haven't, then seriously, what are you doing with your lives?). As per usual it's a banger so look forward to that one.

So all in all the next few months should be pretty big for us and hopefully for you too. We look forward to presenting you with our usual barrage of insanely loud riffage and more shirtless Badger than you can shake a restraining order at (again, see below).

As always, hugs and kisses to you all. Even the ugliest of you. That's how we roll.

RILF

This month's Prick of the Litter: The Love Machine

There was something we discovered in the month of March that genuinely turned our stomachs more than one of Badger's Nutella and tuna mayo sandwich concoctions. This something was a brand new dating show called The Love Machine. 

Now we're not exactly fans of any of those bullshit reality/dating programs that are exclusively designed for young single women alone on a Friday night listening to Adele and stuffing themselves with Galaxy because "It's too classy a chocolate to be fattening." In fact, they suck ass. There's something about those shows that just inexplicably causes us to harbor some sort of resentment towards them. Not unlike Adele or Galaxy chocolate. 

The Love Machine, however is a whole other level of shit that seems designed to aggravate beyond all reason.  

Firstly this show has given Chris "I talk all the time instead of playing songs on my MUSIC BASED radio show and I'm not very funny" Moyles another public platform. He's essentially the worst imaginable combination of Peter Kay's shittest possible side and that old relative you have who always tells you a joke about a horse in a bar that ends with "Why the long face? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Christ I'm funny! Aren't I funny? Where are you going? Come back! I'm HILARIOUS DAMMIT!" 

There's also some painfully irritating bird who was apparently on Crap-Factor. No idea who she is or why she's on t.v. but they gave her a digital whiteboard and it's like watching that bit in the new Planet of the Apes where the monkey is just learning to write in his own faeces. In fact, if you play the two side by side it's a struggle to tell the difference. 

Then there's the concept of the show itself. There's a big ass wheel filled with 90% twats and 10% freaks. Someone comes on, goes round the wheel, has ludicrously high standards, then picks some c**t in a pair of chinos who forgot to wear socks (Another thing that pisses us off. And yes, we censored the C word, we need to draw the line somewhere). They answer some borderline retarded questions about something no one cares about, then go on a shit date. At the end they either kiss or they don't. It's as close to real dating as you get...apparently...

The long and short of it is that it's some sort of dating Russian Roulette that's a combination of dull and irritating so severe that it makes you want to play actual Russian Roulette and lose deliberately. It's got a machine in it, but it's literally impossible to love. However, if you like wearing chinos and v-necks and you think Apple Sourz are a shot you'll probably love it, you terrible, terrible human being.

Now to play us out here's the theme tune to Blind Date, a shining example of the way dating shows should be. (Looking back, the intro is like some post apocalyptic rave tune. Freaky.)

Cilla Black 4 EVA.

RILF